Confessions of a broken heart

Conversation one of these days at shull:

Old guy from shull who is the rabbi-who-still-rocks-my-world's grand uncle or whatever you call it, who I think is starting to loose his hearing because he very loudly asked:
[Note to readers: I have decided to call the Rabbi-to-be-who-still-rocks-my-world, Spiderman... it's just a funny inside joke based on the catch phrase "With power comes responsability]

Old Guy: So, what's Spiderman saying these days? What is he up to?
JewCess: Ummm... ummm.. I have no idea where he's at now.
Old Guy: What?
JewCess: Ummm...
Old Guy: Well, he's back in school, right?
JewCess: Ummm, yes.
Old Guy: So, what's he up to?
JewCess: Ummm, I really don't know, we haven't spoken lately.
(silence in the crowd)
Old Guy: You haven't spoken lately? He hasn't called you?
JewCess: Ummm, we haven't talked since last week.
Old Guy: You should be very pissed off!!! What is wrong with him???
JewCess: *Nervous giggle*
I turned around becasue I had already felt the cold and quiet in the shull. Rabbi, Rabbi's wife, Hebrew Mora who hates me becasue she is part of Spiderman's fan club, family, friends, all the people who want me as their rebbetzin, all the people who don't (hopefully these don't exist) and all the people who couldn't care less. Everybody.. quiet.. in awe... dropped jaws...

Rabbi jumps in and says, so we're going to start with today's activity...

You know how in the movies the scene freezes and starts going in slow motion until something triggers it to go back to normal? Well that was the way it was in shull... slow motion until the Rabbi smartly cut into the intense conversation...

Next day in shull:
Jane Doe, who is converting and loves Spiderman and I think she really likes me: So what's happening with Spiderman? Are you dating or not?
JewCess: ummm... no, I don't think so.
Jane Doe: Big bummer. You are the best couple ever.


Conversation days after, in shull:

John Doe: (standing less than 2 feet from Spiderman's mom) so, how's your boyfriend?
JewCess: Which of them?
John Doe: hahaha... our beloved Spiderman
JewCess: I have no idea.
John Doe: Oh my!!! You broke up?!?!?!?! (loud, very loud)
JewCess: Well, distance sucks.
John Doe: Yeah, distance does suck.

And I could write about 10 or more conversations like this in the last couple of days.

So yeah, distance sucks, my heart is broken and that is that. I wish I could just put up a poster in shull so people read this post and stop asking and stop sending emails of Spiderman as a baby, and stop talking about him as the wonderful rock star charisma guy he is. They should tell me he sucks. I love the idiot which makes me the main idiot and that is that. So there you go, confessions of a broken heart. Now that I shed my tears, it's off to fix my make-up and attempt to start dating again. Arghhhhh.

All the world should hear!!!

Love in any language straight from the heart!!! Pulls us all together, never apart!!! once we learn to speak it, all the world will hear!!!

Do you know that song? I love it. And it popped in my head after I watched this video. There's no music, just a woman expressing her rights of freedom of speech, so, go ahead and click on the link.
Highlight of the video: "You can believe in stones, as long as you don't throw them at me."

LOVE IN ANY LANGUAGE... FLUENTLY SPOKEN HEEEERE!!!!

And Av begins...

While studying in Shavuot, the Rabbi, who's a very very funny man, was asked why the shull wasn't full in Shavuot like it is on the so-called high holidays. How important is Shavuot? We received the Torah for crying out loud!!! What could be more important??? He answered, half joking and half true, well, Shavuot has a marketing problem.

Let's be realistic, nowadays a lot of our people are High Holiday Jews... you know who I'm talking about...the people who will never step foot in a synagogue but will surely be there on Yom Kippur... Those who work on Saturdays but will ask for days off from work on Rosh Hashannah... and to these people, holidays like Shavuot and fasts like Tisha B'Av have not been marketed properly. Both, I belileve are of the most important of holidays. Recieving Torah!!!! Mourning the Bait Hamikdash?!?!

I just find intriguing that a fast that is absolutely personal like Yom Kippur has become more important than the fasts of the 3 weeks, where we are fasting for others, for the world, for peace, for Moshiach!!! Is this an ego thing? Is it lack of education? Lack of marketing like the Rabbi said?

And I find myself in a debate... a serious debate. I work for a family business... with my uncle and cousins... you know how in orthodox homes your family expects you to be as orthodox as they are? G-d forbid you dress less modestly or do anything inappropriate... well, in Conservative homes, I have realized the opposite happens. On 17 Tammuz, I left the office 15 minutes earlier, as I was feeling tired... I wanted to go home and finish my fast in peace and quiet, and daven a bit... my uncle caught me in the middle of my escapade and though he wasn't rude, he did ask if I was crazy for fasting... and he said literally "Oh! (deep sigh)...our little rebbetzin." I thought it was cute, yet, I knew it was ununderstandable (is that a word?) for him... So here I am, knowing it will be business as usual on 9 Av and knowing they will mock me and think I'm just lazy for not wanting to come to work... Deep sigh.

Now, my next debate. I am a vegetarian. I don't eat desert during these days, but then again, unless it's Shabbat, I never eat desert, so that makes no big deal. Should I stop eating potatoes? I loooove potatoes...french fries, mashed potatoes, latkes, boiled potatoes, grilled potatoes, potato salad... love it! Maybe I should not eat potatoes...what else can I do to make this special? To make this important? To make this a bit of a sacrifice? Quit coffee??? Naaaaaaaah, that would be hazardous to my health... I don't know, opinions welcome here.

So here it is. We need to start a marketing campaign for non-famous holidays. I will start posting adds and articles before the counting of the next Omer, and will campaign on the importance of community fasting for the world... hope somebody is there with me.

We need peace. We need Moshiach. We need to stop eating potatoes.

My heart is with Israel but my head is trying to move on... a bit at least

All of last week my head was in Israel... 24/7. Followed the news, debated online, read blogs, and in a nutshell just spent every minute thinking about Israel and what I could do. I was depressed and my energy levels were so low I even got sick. I joined an "Education for Peace" organization... and after that, tried to go back to my everyday activities... I figured, hey!people in our company have to eat too...

So near the weekend I decided to do the things I always do... shull activities, watch movies, read books, hang out with friends... So here's my movie and book report for this weekend:

Practical Kabbalah: A Guide to Jewish wisdom for Everyday Life by Rabbi Laibl Wolf This is a fantastic read!!! Sefirot for Dummies I would call it (not meaning to be disrespectful, but it's sooo practical, really) It is a day to day wording for an amazingly extraordinary topic. The book is full of wisdom and love. 100% recommended. It has a lot of meditations that I am now recording in order to use in my Torah Yoga practice.

Trembling Before G-d: This is a 2001 documentary which I only heard of now... we watched this movie at Shull last Thursday night and are preparing a debate on the topic. I found the documentary to be very intense and eye opening. I believe this debate is going to be very high-heat. I am of the belief that homosexuality cannot be undone... yet I have read about a lot of organizations who think differently. Well, I wish them luck. Being gay must be horribly hard, and I stand up for anybody who is in touch enough with themselves to know what they really feel. Anyhooooo.. more info will come after the debate, this could involve a 27 page post from my part.

Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Can I kiss Captain Sparrow? I want to kiss Captain Sparrow... is he jewish? Can I marry him??? He's a bit ego-maniac but oh (deep sigh) he's soooo cute!!!

So, there it is. The only things keeping my head from Israel... now back to reading the news/blogs and confirming that there is no Hezballah military equipment in civilian houses in Lebanon. (Last sentence written with a very sarcastic tone, pls just readthis to understand where I'm coming from)


Shalom Aleichem

Where are the parents?

Ok, so here's the deal. I want peace. We all need peace.

I am 100% pro Israel. I believe in this case Israel's moves, although sad, are a necessary evil.

And of course, I stick to my people. The world has harrassed us for years and years, and today, even though there's only 14 million of us, we stand straight and proud. The Holocaust didn't erradicate us and we will fight to see our children grow in a wonderful and peaceful Eretz Israel.

But something made me feel sick today... what on Earth are these girls doing? Yeah yeah yeah, "with love".. .come on people, let's stop the sarcasm. Where are these girls' parents? Are they behind them promoting this kind of Neandarthal behavior? Am I the only person disgusted by this image? The Arab world must be rejoicing to see we have morons on our side too and they have pictures to show for it. What a shame.

With power comes responsability (sorry for the very accurate, yet comic relif-like Spiderman reference)and us jews around the world have a big responsability. We have to set the example and not leave a doubt in anybody's mind of what our intentions are and what our values are. It is our responsability, today more than ever, to act kind, compassionate, thoughtfully and peacefully. May all our actions reflect our love for G-d and our love for Eretz Israel, as well as our love for all of G-d's creatures. It is our obligation from where I stand, and not our choice.

Oreos

I just walked around the corner from my office in desperate need of Oreo's, not something I eat in my regular diet... while walking, I was looking around, thinking of Israel, of the world, of my relationship with G-d...

I am feeling down. The hormones, the fear and perhaps the impotence are lowering my energy levels to nothing. I couldn't get up today to go to martial arts.. it was too painful to leave my bed, and now I can't even begin to think of going to yoga... I want to jump into bed again.

I daven and think of Israel. I eat, and think of Israel. I work and multi-taskingly have a conversation with G-d on my point of view towards the situation and the why's and how's of what I think HIS plans are. Yes, I have done this out of impotence.

How can a conflict like this be solved? Can people change? Can ideologies change? Can this conflict be solved with mercy?

Islam fundamentalists have grown up in an environment completely opposite to mine. I grew up in a loving family. I was taught by my parents to choose life, be compassionate, be tolerant and create peace and harmony in my every act and thought.

Muslim Radicals rejoice on death. Children are taught to hate us more than what they love themselves, to hate us more than what they love their children.

Check this out.

These babies should be playing soccer, reading a book or preparing to be the next top-neurosurgeon in the yr 2020... not a martyr corpse nobody will remember for a cause that G-d most probably despises.

May G-d bless us, but most of all me HE bless them and their very lost souls.

Fasting can be wonderful, indeed

So we fast. Some of us because we are told to do so, some of us because we feel it's right... but almost everybody I know, who fasts, complains. Whiny people come to shull with a lemon in their hand to "avoid hunger"... and the complaining comes and goes and comes and goes... and I guess that's OK, complaining is part of the yiddische heritage.:o)

But through these complaints and suffering we forget the most important and wonderful things of these days of fasting. In Tammuz & Av, we mourn those who have fallen. We mourn for our Bait HaMikdash. We mourn the sadness and opression our people (and the people of the world) have lived. But we don't really fast for this tragic past. We don't fast in absolute sadness...we fast for a better future. We fast for the hope of a peaceful mankind. We fast for messianic times.

Ayurveda (traditional medicine used in India) recommends fasting as a way of healing the body. It's true that human beings need nurishment to live, but these moments of fasting cleanse our organism. It could be said that we live on the energy of our souls while we fast.

It's no wonder a bride and groom fast on their wedding day. The union of 2 souls is an act so glorious that these souls have more than enough energy without the need of food.

What we are doing today as a group and not as individuals is awesome. We are using our compasion, our souls' intrinsic energy, our flow of Hessed (urges to give and be compassionate) to make a better world. And what better day to do so than today, when Israel is at stake and the life of many is not as peaceful (Baruj Hashem)as my beloved ones' or mine?

Follow your inner energy, try not to complain and be greatful to be healthy enough to be able to fast. Your fasting is doing wonders for the Cosmic Energy of the universe. Remember that.

Wishing you a peaceful fast...

Feel the love generation!!!

On a lighter note... I have been playing this song in repeat to lift my spirits and remember to have faith in humanity.

Love Generation... by Bob Sinclair
http://artists.letssingit.com/bob-sinclair-love-generation-rxpl1hw

From Jamaica to the world
It's just love, it's just love

Why must our children play in the streets
Broken hearts and faded dreams
Listen up to everyone that you meet
Don't you worry, it could be so sweet
Just look to the rainbow you will see,
The sun will shine till eternity
I've got so much love in my heart
No one can tear it apart

Be the love generation (x2)
Come on, come on, come on
Be the love generation (x2)
Don't worry about a thing, gonna be all right (x3)
Gonna be
Gonna, gonna, gonna
Gonna be alright

Don't worry about a thing, gonna be all right

Feel the love generation

Why most the children play in the street?
Broken arms can fade the dreams
Peace on earth to everyone that you meet
Don't you worry it could be so sweet
Just look at a rainbow, you will see
The summer shine till the eternity
I've got so much love in my arms
No one can tear it apart

Humanity

There is a Hassidic saying that goes something like this:

The virtue of angels is that they cannot deteriorate; their flaw is that they cannot improve. Humanity's flaw is that we can deteriorate; but our virtue is that we can improve.

And so we need to do. We need improvement. We live in an era where we think we are illuminated and wise, just because we have amazing technology and communications... we have forgotten to be humans. We have forgotten we are just tools for G-d's creation and we have forgotten that I am a part of you and you are a part of me, and we are only atoms or cells or whatever you want to call them of a bigger organism, a bigger plan, a bigger goal.

But we keep killing each other... like cancer kills our bodies growing in an abnormal way. I cannot explain how tired I am of crying while reading/hearing news... blasts in Israel, blasts in India... these wonderful spiritual centers, covered in blood, in shame, in evil...

But the worst of all is the impotence. What can we do? I daven real real hard... I meditate, I help whomever I can and smile at every human being. I give love and comfort to others as much as I am capable of at this time... I do yoga and teach yoga, my way of promoting inner peace... yet, it's not enough, but I can hardly think of anything else or anywhere else to go...

If anybody at all is reading this blog, help me out here... daven real hard, learn, love, teach, and smile... and if you can let me know about it.

May HIS great name be blessed forever and ever.