Second Try... Arghhhh!!!

What is wrong with Blogspot today? I had a great post written, (at least I think it was great) tried to upload, couldn't do it, and all of a sudden it was gone.. poof.. disappeared... bye bye... so long... So I will attempt to try and say what I said before and will maybe add more stuff and eliminate some stuff and who knows, maybe it'll be a better post or the most boring thing ever. Anyway, I was writing about the debate in my head concerning Tisha b'Av and my feelings and reactions towards it.

First thing I was saying is the fact that I LOVE reading from the Book of Lamentations, and I find that bizarre. I love the poetry, I love the meaning, I love seeing everybody humbled on the floor, without shoes, candelight only, sitting closer than ever before like a family in the peace of their living room. I find it fascinating. I cry from the first alef. I cry, yet I LOVE it. Isn't it contrary to it's purpose? Tisha B'Av is not supposed to be of your liking, or well, maybe it is. Who likes to cry? Why do I feel such peace after crying like I do? I guess it's the fact that after mourning there is always light, always hope. The peace I leave the shull with every Erev 9Av is so profound.. I believe if everybody felt the way I do, such inner peace, Messianic times would really be just around the corner.

So I go home, and I read and I meditate and thank Gd for the bond I just had with all the people of our congregation, and then I fall asleep and then the next day comes... with quite a different ambience.

Full day of work. I can't even begin to complain about having to work all day because my boss is also working, showing up early in the morning, fasting... and this is a guy who is twice my height and more than twice my weight, therefore probably needs twice as much nourishment... So, the peace I felt on Erev 9Av is gone becasue I really truly become Hulk when I fast. The lack of caffeine and of energy turns me into somebody I really don't like. I'll bite anybody's head off (well, not really becasue biting someone's head off would mean breaking fast and let's not even begin to say it would be so-not-kosher and very very non-vegetarian) But I become Hulk, really, I ain't myself when I get angry, and when I fast I'm cranky and angry all the time and then I spend all day feeling guilty about biting the janitor's head off because he, with the sweetest of intentions, on the morning of Tisha B'Av, offered me a cup of coffee. Bad, bad JewCess. :o(

So I fast and get cranky and at times reflect on why I'm doing this and how much Israel needs this and how our Bait HaMikdash has to be re-built soon and how our boys at the Tzajal make me so proud and how lucky and blessed I am that I am healthy enough to survive the fasting without any complications.

And then we break fast, all the family together, and stay together till sort-of late at night, and the next morning comes (today) and guess what I have on my desk? Yup, an 8 ounce coffee the janitor brought me with a gigantic smile on his face. I apologized of course, and he just laughed and said I'm crazy. Here he was, with coffee, smiling, with absolutely no hard-feelings from the head-biting spree of which he was a victim.

More people should be like our janitor.

Now, off to enjoy my cup of coffee and wish you all caffeine addicts like me a wonderful caffeine rush.

Hope you had a meaningful, peaceful and enlightening fast.